And There Was Music....

I wasn't going to do another public update, but because you asked....

Since Ken got home Wednesday, things have been chugging along quite well... He walked a little bit that first day, napped a lot, the next day he walked more, napped a little less, and has been progressing more every day.

He even went in to his office yesterday for about an hour to say hello and to prove to his coworkers that he was indeed alive and plans to at least try to put in a few hours in the office later this week.

He's home today, gathering up energy to do his trial run tomorrow, working for only 4 hours while I'm on standby to scoop up and rescue.

But what about Thursday and Friday? I have a business trip scheduled for the weekend, leaving Thursday morning. Zoe is on board to drive him to and from work on both days, and his mom lives close by, so if he can't hang in there for four hours, he can either hang out at her place, she can take him home, or, God forbid, get him to the doctor or ER.

Am I a bad wife for wanting to go to Dallas for my board meeting this weekend? I've had this on the books for a year. But it's only ten days after his heart attack.

Am I babying Ken if I don't go?

Am I babying Ken if I think he needs someone here overnight?

If I'm not here cooking for Ken, will he be able to cook for himself?

Zoe is spending the night Thursday. She offered to make soup if I buy the ingredients. If I don't hear from her before Wednesday, the soup ain't happening. Ken and I already talked about this, and he's agreed to have her take him to go pick up a roasted chicken at the grocery store.

So then, what if she makes the soup? What about the other days and the other meals?

Does he have the energy to cook? Does he know what to make that is “good” for him now? In the past when I would go away, it was fried chicken or beef burritos. And we know THAT'S off the menu!!

Caleb is coming up (really late) for Friday and Saturday overnight.

EUREKA!! Ken called his Mom to bring him dinner Friday night!!!!!! Everyone wins.

When Caleb is here for Saturday, I don't know if (or what) he can cook. I know he can make omelettes (Ken can't eat eggs) and quinoa.

I can do all this planning to ask for help to bring over a meal for Saturday, but am I babying him if I don't let him ask for help or fend for himself?

Am I in denial that he is still a ticking time bomb and still to much in recovery to leave alone most of the day?  Should I just cancel my trip?

(later that same day….)

OH MY GOD HE IS PLAYING THE ENGLISH HORN!!!!!
Ken picked up the English Horn and played for about a half hour. I admit I had to restrain myself. My initial response to hearing the music flowing upstairs from his study was to run down there and check on him.

Is he clutching his chest? Is he flushed? Does he feel/appear light headed?

But I waited.

For ten whole minutes. Then I went downstairs.

None of that.

He was smiling. He said he felt pretty good, out of shape, but normal out of shape. (Anyone who plays a double reed will know what this means.)

He played for a little while longer.

But the bottom line?

He can still play.

And I suppose that means he will survive without me.

Maybe that's more me letting go than him moving on.