4 into 48

The amount of hours I have slept in the past 48 averages to one every 12, which really isn't enough for someone at my advanced stage of life. Here is the script I wrote based on the theme "I'm never doing that again." I'll post today's later on.
HARRY POTTER MUST DIE
WRITTEN BY MARLA BRONSTEIN
DIRECTED BY SHAWN FULLER
JK ROWLING TERI GRIMES
DANIEL/HARRY at 25 CHRIS BALLOU
RUPERT/RON at 25 JOHN HIEBERT
CRAZED FAN ZOE BRONSTEIN
TECH JAZ OKURA-YOUTSEY

JK Ladies and Gentleman, boys and girls, wizards and muggles, welcome to Grauman’s Chinese Theatre for the movie opening of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, the “final” of my well respected and incredibly financially successful series of Harry Potter. Yes, I am the incredible JK Rowling. (waves in applause) Now, put your hands together for two of your favorite warlocks, Harry Potter and Ron Weasley.

HARRY AND RON ENTER IN FULL WIZARD REGALIA, AND BOW ACCORDINGLY

FAN (PLANTED IN AUDIENCE - WAVING) I love you Harry, I love you Ron. Where’s Hermione?

HARRY (WAVING) Thank you all for coming today, we’re so pleased to see you all

FAN Harry Potter, Harry Potter, Where’s Hermione?

RON Yes well, I’m also happy to have you all here, and I’m sure I’m not ruining the plot for anyone if I tell you that I’m relieved my character finally gets to….

FAN: (WAVING) Ron Weasly, Ron, Hi Hi, Where’s Hermione?

JK: Hermione, I mean Emma Watson, had a previous commitment and regrets she cannot be here.

RON Yeah, the remake of “Taxi Driver.”

JK: Little Trollop that she is

HARRY Hang on there, you’d got to give her that she’s broken out of the character mold.

JK: Bloody Hell, that little ingrate, I made that little bitch and this is the thanks I get. Now why couldn’t she be more like you Daniel, you went off and became a well respected stage actor.

HARRY And that was with my clothes off!

FAN: (WAVING) Woo hoo, Take it off Harry, (CHANTS) Equus!!! Equus!!

HARRY That girl is bloody mad.

JK: Young lady, either you refrain from further outbursts or I shall have you forcibly removed from this theatre.

HARRY Wait JK, I know how to deal with birds like this....Miss? Miss?

FAN: Me? Are YOU talking to ME? Oh. My. God. I’m going to vomit.

HARRY Yes Miss, would you mind ever so much to keep it down a bit so we can finish this introduction, and when we’re done perhaps I can show you a thing or two with my wand…

FAN: (Laughs, uncomfortably, uncontrollably, then quiet)

JAZ: (FROM THE BOOTH) Stop stop stop, I can’t stand this shit ANYMORE! (COMING TO THE STAGE AREA) Jesus, How many beers does a person need to drink to swallow this Harry Potter adoration shit?! I swear to God, If I see one more person with a lighting bolt, a magic wand, or a stuffed white owl, I will fucking go postal on his ass.

JK: Excuse me, you Hate Harry Potter? Why my child, how could you Hate Harry Potter. Everyone Loves Harry. Presidents. Teachers. Parents. Children. Ministers.

RON Not all ministers.

JK: Shut up Grint, you’ll never work in this town again

RON Sorry.

JK: Do I need to remind you that I dreamed up this story while I was a single mother on welfare. Just me, and my child, living from hand to mouth. Not knowing where our next meal would come from, where we would lay our heads to rest that night…

JK-HARRY-RON (together) And then Harry Potter came to me whilst at my deepest darkest moment, and here we are today.

RON Billions of dollars richer

JK: Shut up.

RON Sorry

JAZ: Gimmie a fucking break lady, like anyone with half a brain doesn’t know that Harry Potter is the English version of Rocky Balboa. The only thing I hate more than a sequel to a bad movie is a second, third, fourth, fifth, sixth and seventh sequel. Just kill Harry off already and put the world out of its misery.

JK: Look, up there in the light booth

JAZ: What the fuck (JK KNOCKS JAZ OUT, LAYS HER UPSTAGE)

JK: Now, where were we…ah yes, we were talking about this movie based upon my book, the final installment of the Harry Potter series

RON Hello what, final? I just signed a six year contract with you. What on earth was that for?

JK: I own Ron Weasly, or shall I say, I own YOU. The contract says in fine 3 point type, that for the next six years, If I so much as fart out an idea that suggests the character of Ron Weasley, you will be available to create that character for print, film, any video game platform, Japanese Anime and, Microsoft’s brain chip implant, expected to be available at a Best Buy near you at the after Thanksgiving sale this year. Get in line now.

RON Bloody Hell

JK: Ron, you know you need to watch your language. It’s in your contract.

RON (POINTING WAND AT JK) Petrificus Totalus! (SHE FALLS TO FLOOR AND FREEZES. SHE CAN MOVE HER EYES ONLY)

HARRY: JK. JK.. Rupe, what have you done?

RON I I I don’t know, I couldn’t control myself. It’s like someone else was controlling me. After all these years, all those humiliations, all those stupid goofy looks on camera. It’s like it was time. You know?

HARRY: Yeah man, it’s like she said. Rocky Balboa

RON Eh Dan, to be honest, I don’t know what that means.

HARRY: Rocky Balboa, the boxer played by Sylvester Stallone.

RON That actor who was frozen after the sixth Potter movie came out in 2015?

HARRY: So he could come back in 2076 and make the 10th sequel for the 100th anniversary.

RON Right, I do remember. Bloody hell, what’s to become of us Dan?

HARRY: I think of you more like Mr. Bean, while I am the Anthony Hopkins of our generation.

RON Help me?

HARRY: Well, I shouldn’t, but what the hell. All right, we’ll start slow. We’ve already tackled Comedy

RON I just flew in on my dad’s car, and boy am I tired. Get it? Tired.

HARRY: OK, lets move on to suspense

RON Harry! What’s behind that door?

HARRY: Action

RON Harry, careful of that golden snitch!

HARRY: Horror

RON Bloody hell, there are a million spiders!!

HARRY: Drama

RON What will you do now Harry?

HARRY: Romance

RON Hermione (HARRY SLAPS RON) Sorry. What’s left?

RON- HARRY: A musical

HARRY: Hit it maestro!

What do you get when you fall in love?
A bird with a pin to burst your bubble
That's what you get for all your trouble.
I'll never fall in love again.
I'll never fall in love again.

RON: What do you get when you kiss a gal?
You get enough germs to catch pneumonia.
After you do, she'll never phone you.
I'll never fall in love again.
I'll never fall in love again.

BOTH: Don't tell me what is all about,
'Cause I've been there and I'm glad I'm out,
Out of those chains, those chains that bind you
That is why I'm here to remind you

(JAZ COMES TO AS THEY SING TOGETHER, BY THE END OF THE CHORUS, SHE IS SCREAMING TO THE BOOTH, LIGHTS FULL)

HARRY: Well, that was different

RON Yeah

HARRY: How do you feel?

RON Like I’m king of the world

HARRY: No more Moldy Ron Weasly

RON No more moldy Harry Potter

HARRY: Hey

RON Well, not that there ever was

HARRY: Right. So, you wanna sing another song?

RON Hell no, I’m never doing that again. (LIGHTS OUT)